Prison Break!

Anymore, my days are filled with paperwork and housework. I can get done just about enough housework to break even with what Claire has destroyed that day, and if the wind is blowing right have something resembling dinner ready by the time Elizabeth gets home.

I have a full time class load at school, and right now I’m looking down the barrel at finals week. Also, I am at one stage or another in the police reserve hiring process at 4 different agencies. There are so many very qualified guys and gals anxious to get into a law enforcement career that there are literally hundreds of people clamoring over these precious few unpaid positions. At Marion County Sheriff’s Office alone, there were over 50 applicants who entered the first phase of the testing process; I and 2 of my friends had gotten far enough into the process to be left with around 10-15 people.

So, I have been doing police oral board interviews, filling out job applications, and filling out background check packets. Background check packets are a real treat. Every police agency is different, but for most you have to fill out every address you have ever lived at, every person you have lived with, each job you have ever held, list your debts, bank account balances, list people as character references, any crimes you or any member of your family or friends have committed, etc. And, these character references aren’t like references on a regular job application that have about a 10% chance of being called; these references have 100%chance of getting the 3^rd degree grill treatment. They are sent a packet to fill out to make sure you’re not a dirtbag (or confirm you are a dirtbag, I guess). I feel so bad for my references if I get far enough with the few agencies I have applied with that they each have a separate background check. I guess I’m going to be in the business of buying them beers to make up for it. Another joy is that you can’t just list the people you know who like you, they ask if they know anyone else you know, and so on until they’re talking to the middle school teacher who wanted to stomp your guts out.

There are a lot of people who talk about what bad people some cops are, and that they’re corrupt, and that they’re just out there to flex muscle and bully people around. If they could even begin to grasp what it takes to get into a law enforcement position, they would have a whole different opinion. Those people have seen The Departed and Changeling one too many times.

Back to the matter at hand. In all of this chaos, the only chance I have to take a breath is when Clairey takes a nap. I get a hot shower and enough time to grab a quick bite to eat, then back to the grind. This morning at her usual nap time, about 11:00, I warmed her up some milk, and put her down to sleep. About 15 minutes later while I was warming up my lunch, in walks Claire- bright eyed and bushy tailed. She was smiling ear to ear knowing she had pulled one over on her old man.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The last few days, I have heard screaming coming from her room, only to walk in and find her trapped like this picture below, about ready to gnaw her own leg off coyote style. She is so desperate to get out of her crib that getting bear trapped every once in a while is just the cost of doing business.So, I put her back in her crib to see if she could do it again, and I shot this video. I think this escape trick would leave Houdini scratching his head.

 

 

Elizabeth came home for lunch and watched her do it again, so we talked about crib tents: like this. Ghetto!

I figured I could do the same thing, but the good ol’ boy way, a la duct tape and bailing wire. So, I put a sheet over the top of her crib, and tied it securely at the corners. I just wanted to keep her in until she fell asleep and then I could remove it.

Although it sagged some in the middle, she thought this was the coolest fort she had ever seen, plus she got to sleep in it! Psh, who needs a canopy bed when you have a wrinkled sheet, right? It only needed to last for today’s nap until we can figure out a permanent solution. I proudly walked away, straining my arm from patting myself on the back, to commence my daily routine.

After I finally could tell she had fallen asleep, I went in to check on the newly installed security system, only to find that it had been turned into a leisurely hammock. Whatever it takes to get her to sleep I guess.Outsmarted by a freakin’ 1 year old.